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Ever seen the movie Pay it Forward? Its basically people making random acts of kindness/generosity that creates carry over throughout society. Well, the top 5 on this list do the opposite.
Their impatience and lack of grace make things worse. Instead of going about your day happy or content, you arrive aggravated and on edge. Ready to snap at the next little thing to happen. If you don’t recognize ANY of these 5 “characters”, then you ARE one!
5) LINE CABOOSE
Whenever you’re stuck in a line, whether it be a coffee shop, supermarket, etc and the person behind you is right up your derriere. There’s nowhere for them to go and as the line moves forward they maintain the “up your business” distance. This is the kind of mayhem that little kids do. When my daughter was little she would stand practically underneath the butt of the person in front of us in line. I swear, she was so up in there, if it rained, she wouldn’t get wet. Now, I understand this with little kids. They’re impatient and in their little minds, line movement forward was progress despite the fact that they aren’t going anywhere past the person in front of them. They don’t have a tight grasp of personal space and combined with their misconceptions of patience, it makes sense. Its one of the things good parents teach their kids not to do. “Don’t stand in someone’s bubble!”
Assuming Line Caboose people had bad parents, you would think at some point in their life they would develop enough common sense to learn how stupid and annoying what they are doing is. Not only is it pointless, but it also creates unnecessary tension and anxiety for everyone else in line. Normally patient people quickly become impatient.
While it can happen almost anywhere where there is a line, it is especially true in grocery stores. I don’t know what it is about supermarkets but it really brings out the worst in people (they get 2 categories in the TOP 5). Doesn’t matter if its a really posh supermarket chain or not. Doesn’t matter of they are young or old either. It gets to the point, when I trying to pay for my stuff and I ask the guy standing behind me if he wants to punch in my pin code in for me since he’s now closer to it than me.
4) CART MONSTER
Again not really much of a surprise that this occurs at the supermarket, as-well. As the name implies, this refers to the inconsiderate people that use their shopping cart like a barricade. These people typically walk through the grocery store assuming there is no-one else there but them. They stop in the isle, leave their cart completely blocking the entire thing so they can stop and stare at a tomato. My favorite is when I’ve parked my cart to the side, walk over to grab some milk, and the cart monster pulls her cart in front of me so she can be closer to the cheese, taking up 8 linear feet shelf space. Thanks a lot!
To be honest, with this one, I’m not sure if its stupidity , rudeness or narcissism. Maybe a combination of all 3. I suppose it depends on if called out, they correct it. Believe it or not, I see it more in the “swanky” supermarkets with “posh” people, so maybe its more narcissism on their part.
What I like to do to correct this problem, which I don’t necessarily recommend, is to push their cart as far away as you safely can. You usually get a look of bewilderment and shock. My response is “it was in my way” and 9 out of 10 times they stay silent. Its pretty funny.
If you don’t know what I’m talking about with this one, then you are probably a Cart Monster. While it may seem trivial to you, its the accumulation of this type of crap that adds to the overall aggravation and confrontation in society as a whole.
3) ELEVATOR SALMON
Elevator Salmon people drive me mad! As the name implies, Salmon swim upstream to spawn. These idiots fight to get into a crowded elevator as everyone is trying to get out. The stupidity of this one really aggravates me. These people tend to be those who think they are more important than they are so they perceive themselves to be in a rush. Problem is, is that they are not very bright and their move doesn’t not make things faster, just slower and more difficult for those trying to get off the elevator. Hence, why they aren’t very important in the first place.
With this one, there are two types of salmon. There are those that stand front and center of the elevator’s threshold as the doors open creating this artificial divider for those trying to exit. Then there are the ones in full spawn, the guy actually trying to fight through the people getting out, and manages to get in while there are still people inside trying to leave. That guy (and yes, its usually a guy) is a full flight idiot. I swear, you can see this guy smirking as if he accomplished something. No use in trying to engage him though. You would have better luck getting your dog to do your taxes.
2) DOOR PALLEGIC
If your mama taught you right, then you would typically hold the door open a bit longer when you exit. The point is that you give the person coming right behind you a change to catch the door while its still open making it a little more easier. Its a friendly gesture and it prevents the door from crashing in on the person behind you. Sounds fairly simple, yes? Well, enter the Door Pallegics.
Door pallegics are self entitled narcissists who act is their two arms are paralyzed and cannot take the door from you leaving you in limbo while you’re trying to maintain motion. The problem with these people is that they make you regret the courtesy you tried to extend a stranger. In return, you end up being less courteous and the cycle continues.
Unlike the others on this list, there is no perceived speed to be gained by the Door Pallegics. It’s like they treat it as it was your job to hold the door open for them.
The disclaimer to this one, is where the person behind you has their hands full. Where it be two cups of coffee, stroller etc. Then I’m more than happy to hold the door for you, as you come out. I would hope that someone is kind enough to do that for me someday. However, if you have one hand free, take the damn door!
1) GARGOYLES
This is the one that started it all for me. Its the first one I noticed and named. It’s also one of the ones that potentially dangerous (I’ll explain below).
Gargoyles are those folks waiting to cross an intersection and stand so close to the edge of the street that their feet/shoes/sandals literally hang off the curb like the creature or even worse allow the stroller to push into the street while they await the traffic signal. You can see it best in the summertime as you’ll see the toes wrap down the curb in the flip-flops.
I guess subconsciously they think that extra closeness will allow them to cross the street faster. I suppose its like the Line Cabooses in that sense. What it does, however, it make life difficult for you (driver) to make a right hand turn. Like everyone on this list, they are completely oblivious to what their doing and do not back up when you pull up to them. The stupidity makes it take longer or prevents you from turning right, slows you down making you more aggravated moving forward. Again, they have no gain. Its not like they’re playing for the Yankees and trying to steal second base.
Where its get dangerous is for the new mom or nanny who gargoyles the baby’s stroller. “WHAT ARE YOU F***KING DOING!!!” How many times have you seen someone pop the curb when turning right. Why would you put your baby that close to the street. The light is red you moron, you are not going anywhere. Put your stupid ass in the street and leave your kid safely behind you if you want to gargoyle. I like to give a quick tap to the horn. It may scare the baby a bit, but it will keep them safe and maybe teach the adult a lesson when they realize how close my car is to the sidewalk in a beach community with narrow streets.
What do you think about my list? Let me know, with a comment and share your own list of tragic social decorum.
